A choice to be made

If all we have been saying is true, then the only way in which I am going to find out who I really am, and who I am intended to become, is to get rightly related to the God who, in his loving purposes, knows my true identity and longs to impart that character to me which goes with that identity.

It does not mean that my earthly relationships, which may well give me some sense of identity, become unimportant. The family into which I was born and by which I was nurtured may, or may not, be a very important part of my life, depending on my childhood experiences. The country in which I have lived, or the race to which I belong, may mean much to me. I may have gained much in the way of identity from my work or profession, or from my friendships. My sexuality as a woman or a man may be an important part of who I am. However, in becoming a member of God's family I will find an identity that has a prior claim on who I am. In submitting to that claim, however, I will also find a greater depth to all my other relationships. I will also find a security in the knowledge of who I am that no one can take from me. David Hyman, of the Overseas Missionary Fellowship in Australia, says:

Our identity as Christians is in Christ. If it is not it must be in something else—our nationality, our family, our friends, our possessions, our job. When all these are removed we have nothing, unless we have our identity founded and fixed in Jesus.

How do you help someone find their identity whose experience is that of one graduate of the American School of Zurich? In a poem published in the alumni newsletter and quoted in Christianity Today, this student wrote:

I was born in Switzerland
I lived in Spain, Sweden, and Brazil
My dad's Swiss
My mom's American
I'm not Brazilian, Swiss, American, Spanish
I'm eighteen
I'm lost

One of the most helpful articles I have come across on the subject of homosexuality is 'Out of the closet and into chastity', an article by David C. Morrison in This Rock, July-August, 1994. I quote from it as it highlights the problems we face if we choose to define our identity primarily from anything else other than our relationship to Christ. David, a former practising homosexual, tells of his conversion to chastity through Catholicism's teaching on homosexuality, and the ministry of the Courage movement, providing a ministry of compassion for those in a similar situation.* He describes the view he had come to, after a decade of reflection, of the change in emphasis that takes place when someone moves from being a person with just a homosexual orientation, to being 'gay'. He writes:

If you are a Christian who has made this choice, I believe there is reason to examine your heart for evidence of idolatry. I have observed that once a person has made a decision that he is not merely homosexually orientated, but is gay, then orientation tends to be a dominant aspect of his identity, and everything else—society, faith, institutions, and even God—will be viewed and judged through that particular lens. Homosexual orientation is not a choice for most people, but being gay is, and it is this choice which motivates homosexual groups ranging from Dignity to Act Up.

Such a wrong understanding of our identity, I believe, is the source of these disastrous errors, because rooting ourselves in anything outside of Christ undermines our efforts at obedience or following him.

In a very thoughtful and sympathetic way, David tells how his own decision to make Christ the focus of his identity and to live in obedience to him, had led to his own inner freedom, growth and ministry, hinting at the long emotional struggle and sacrifice that this had involved. He says:

We are summoned, like the apostle Paul to pour ourselves out for the good of the Kingdom, sharing with many the talents and fruit which, had we been heterosexually oriented, we might have shared primarily with spouse and children.

He finishes his article by quoting from Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship:

And if we answer the call to discipleship, where will it lead us? What decisions and partings will it demand? To answer this question we will have to go to him, for only he knows the journey's end. But we do know it will be a road of boundless mercy. Discipleship means joy.

So a choice has to be made. Am I willing to commit my life and future to him who alone knows fully all that I am and all that I could become? He desires to give me all that he has planned, that identity in which alone I can find complete fulfilment. He suffered on Calvary to make it possible. The missionary statesman, Dr E. Stanley Jones said, "One does not know who he is until he knows whose he is."